15 Suggestions for How to Build a Best-Outcome Relationship With Your Primary Care Provider

Posted on February 14, 2023

A recent visit with my primary care provider (PCP) reminded me that it’s normal for these folks to be pressed to see as many patients as possible in a day. With 15 – 20 minutes allotted for a regular office visit, sometimes even the most well-meaning physician, nurse practitioner or physician’s assistant can present too much information too quickly and in complex terms. No matter how busy s/he seems to be, it’s OK to ask questions. In fact, responding to patient questions is something all PCPs

A recent visit with my primary care provider (PCP) reminded me that it’s normal for these folks to be pressed to see as many patients as possible in a day. With 15 – 20 minutes allotted for a regular office visit, sometimes even the most well-meaning physician, nurse practitioner or physician’s assistant can present too much information too quickly and in complex terms.

No matter how busy s/he seems to be, it’s OK to ask questions. In fact, responding to patient questions is something all PCPs expect to do - and most want to answer your questions. They know that providing answers to your questions builds trust – one, if not the, most important part of the patient-physician relationship.

Left to their own devices, PCP’s, particularly physicians, are going to ask about symptoms. As patients, we have become conditioned to talk about symptoms or respond to a list of yes-no questions. However, studies have shown that over 80% of diagnoses can be made just by listening to the open-ended story of what happened, rather than responding to questions.[i]

What follows are a combination of best suggestions and strategies to help you get the most of your next and subsequent visits. It starts with preparation.

1. Jot down some notes before you go. Have an idea of how you want your time with the doctor to go. Make sure you talk about what you want to talk about.

2. Consider bringing a friend or family member to your appointment. Someone else may catch things you miss, or ask a question you haven’t thought of.

3. Try to control your anxiety by expecting a good outcome before the appointment starts. When you enter the room expecting that the doctor is going to help you, then it sets the tone. Doctors are trained in mindfulness, which tells them to take a minute to focus on the new patient and really see the person in front of them.

4. Be straightforward asking open-ended questions. This also lets your PCP know you are invested in your treatment. That’s perfectly natural. Often, your doctor will need to repeat information in a different way so that it’s clearer.

5. Listen to the answers.

6. Repeat the information back to your PCP. This will not only help you absorb the plan; it will also help the physician know whether you understood. And if you didn’t understand everything?

7. Don’t be afraid to bring up pain or a feeling that’s bothering you, even if it’s embarrassing. Your PCP’s job is to help you feel better. Keep in mind s/he is required to protect your privacy.

8. Be honest and accurate. Some people go to the doctor and don’t tell the whole truth. Things that they don’t feel comfortable with, mostly. Whether it’s use of illegal drugs or alcohol use. Maybe it’s sexual in origin. You need to be able to build up that relationship between your physician and yourself that you feel like you can tell them whatever you need to tell them. These things do impact your health.

9. Be honest if you feel you’re not being heard. Some suggestions:

• I’m worried that we aren’t communicating well. Here's why I feel that way.”
• “I need to talk with you about X. I feel like I can’t. Can we talk about this?”
• “I know you're busy, but I need to talk about X with you. Can we get some time on the calendar?”
• “Can you help me understand X?”

10. Be honest about worries and concerns. It’s important to share things about your lifestyle, social obligations and relationships at home and at work. Providing detailed information helps a doctor get the full picture of your overall well-being and assess lifestyle factors that might contribute to your health.

11. If your doctor recommends a treatment, share your worries about possible side effects or questions about other options. A critical part of the conversation is saying to the doctor, “I understand that all treatments have risks and benefits. Can you help me compare these to other treatments?’"

12. Be sure your doctor has understood what you told him or her. For example, if you talk about a concern — such as a lump in your breast — and your doctor brushes it off, don’t be afraid to revisit the issue. It’s fine to say, “I’m not sure you really heard how concerned I am about this.”

13. At the end of the visit, if the doctor doesn’t say something like, “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, tell me what you’re going to do,” restate something like, ‘I want to make sure that I have it right. So, what you want me to do is this.”

14. Ask about the best way you can contact the doctor with other questions.

15. Give feedback about the doctor’s care and your office experience.

It’s important to work with your PCP to actively partner with your doctor to make treatment decisions that are most likely to work for you. It’s a win for you and a win for your physician, so don’t be afraid or intimidated to ask him or her to help you understand your options for the best outcome.

One last thought, you should always find a doctor that you feel that you can trust and you think is listening to you. If you don’t think that’s happening, how can you trust that s/he is making the correct diagnoses and treatment recommendations for you?

If you feel like you’re still not being listened to, maybe it’s time to look for somebody else who you’re more comfortable with.

[i] Leana Wen, MD, referenced, How to Talk to Your Doctors When They Don’t Listen, John Donovan. Medically Reviewed by Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD, MPH WebMD. http://bit.ly/3xCXI0d